"I have no claim over the woman at all, unless it's the claim one who has nearly drowned has over the person who pulled her out of the ocean."
im so PUMPED about fall!!!!! ill wear 500 sweaters i dont care ill shove a whole pumpkin up my ass
Coldplay - Ghost Stories Special: Magic (2/12)
My mom teaches Kindergarten and I went to her classroom a few days ago and saw what appeared to be a small shrine dedicated to Jodie Foster in the corner of the room and I had literally no idea why it was there, so I asked my mom about it and she said it’s where the kids can go to tattle on each other so they don’t always do it to her
So basically my mom tells her little Kindergarteners to tell on each other to a magazine clipping of Jodie Foster that they call Miss Tattle and if you don’t think that’s the funniest thing then get out of my face
a guy walked into the board room and said
"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"
and i just stared at him and coldly said
"i am the regional reports manager"
we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life
Mr. and Mrs. West!
I can never stop laughing at this
cybersyncing said: ok but hear me out: The Hobbit where everything is the same except Bilbo has the personality of Martin Freeman
MY ANACONDA DON’T!
MY ANACONDA DON’T!
MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NUN UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS HUN!
Anonymous asked: Re: your "rule about naked people" -- How about people who take nude photos of themselves not be stupid and use storage devices that can be hacked, like cloud storage (or take any risks close to that)? Just HOW much personal responsibility does your generation need to shed before you get it through your thick skulls that it only costs $20 for a decent external hard drive these days? :|
"The lock on your diary wasn’t very good, so it’s your fault I read your diary."